I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
