went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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