This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
