hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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