I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
