drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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