There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
