after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
