im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
