I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
