I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
