I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
