Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize