Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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