what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Enjoy the penises
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
