Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
