I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
