I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
