True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
