theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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