its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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