He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
