The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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