Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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