WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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