I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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