chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
