3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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