i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
