Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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