so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
