Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
