Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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