Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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