After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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