My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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