Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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