We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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