K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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