saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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