Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
