Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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