They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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