One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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