no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
