Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize