For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
