he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
