Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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