Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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