is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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