Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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