You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
