If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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