I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
this hospital has no fireball
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
