I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize