I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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