I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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