I am puke
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
