oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
