Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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