I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
