Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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