it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize