I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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