I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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