The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
