We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
