im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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