i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
