why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
