he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
