You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
