my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The ass gains better be worth it
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