I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
