you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We left the knife in your bed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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