i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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