My first STD was from a foam party
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We are all done wearing pants today
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
