I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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