we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
